Friday Funny, October 22, 2010

Paraprosdokian  sentences:

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.

… see below …..

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Ø    Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Ø    The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Ø    Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ø    If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

Ø    We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

Ø    War does not determine who is right…only who is left.

Ø    Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Ø    The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Ø    Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening,” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Ø    To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Ø    How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire.

Ø   I  thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Ø    Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”

Ø    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

Ø    Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Ø    Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

Ø    A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø    You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

Ø    The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø    Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

Ø    A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip

Ø    Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.

Ø    Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø    Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Ø    There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.

Ø    I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

Ø    I always take life with a grain of salt… plus a slice of lemon… and a shot of tequila.

Ø    When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water.

Ø    You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø    To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø    Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Ø    If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

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2 thoughts on “Friday Funny, October 22, 2010

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