Second chances

First marriages are hard enough, but I have a hunch second marriages may be harder. We go into first marriages all doe-eyed and full of fairytale endings. No one tells us the challenges we’re going to face with this other person. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. That’s life.

But sometimes, whether it’s by divorce and death, people find themselves making the decision to marry again. But this time it’s different. This time there’s baggage. A matched set brought by both. Emotional, situational, psychological. But for whatever reason, the two decide it’s worth the risk.

We’re fortunate to find love once in our life. To find it twice is an unexpected blessing.

And to that I say, Happy Anniversary Army Wife and Army Guy!

You’ve weathered more storms in the few short years you’ve been married than some people do in 20 years. And you’ve shown that marriage is much more than just sentimental, doe-eyed love. It’s a willingness to work hard and a determination to make it through the tough times. Not very romantic, I know. But with a willingness to give and accept grace and forgiveness, you’ve emerged stronger and more resilient.

The advise I give you today is to not expect miracles from mere mortals. We’re human and will fail each other from time to time. Don’t put each other on pedestals because many a marriage will fail because of unrealistic expectations. Successful marriages leave the fairytales for bedtime stories and realize that patience, understanding and open communication is the best way to deepen your love and commitment to each other. Oh yeah…and most importantly, a healthy dose of grace, forgiveness and daily prayer.

So today I wish for you a firm foundation on which to continue to build this life together. One of common values and respect for one another. You’ve weathered many storms these past few years. My prayer is that, while it makes you muddy for a while, the storms will help you grow deeper roots and the rain will continue to help you grow.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
~Ephesians 4:2-3


7 thoughts on “Second chances

  1. Beautiful and wise advice indeed. Anything that is worth having requires work, just as love requires nurturing. Congratulations Army Wife and Army Guy! Wishing you many more years where the bumps are smaller than the joys.


  2. Hear hear for second chances! and hear hear for those tough times – I love the bit you wrote about storms making you muddy but helping the roots to grow deeper and stronger…… my first husband and I had no problems until 10 years in we hit a bump in the road and had no idea how to deal with it – and we fell apart. The Canadian and I went through a lot in the early years (probably like Army wife and Army guy) and then hit a major bump in the road due to health problems – and I am grateful for those difficulties – we faced them and we worked through them. We were muddy but those roots went in that bit deeper. Happy Anniversary to the lovely couple 😉


  3. Pat had been married before with two young children and I learned young that things change in a heartbeat so we brought steamer trunks of baggage to our marriage After 38 years (through the grace of God, sheer bullheadedness and love of family) we have almost unpacked everything and. . . . . . it has been worth the effort. A diagram I saw years ago still applies – a triangle with husband & wife on opposite corners with the Lord at the top. As both draw closer to the Lord they draw closer to each other and even if only one does they are no further apart. God Bless!!


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