The pain of great loss

It is with a very heavy  heart and more sadness than I can bear that I share this post with you today. Last Thursday, our beloved golden retriever, Tanner, passed away. It was sudden and extremely unexpected, and we all feel a great sense of loss. If you know me at all, you know it’s almost impossible for me to say goodbye to pets. They are such an important part of my life.

This loss has, perhaps, been the hardest of all. Hard because there was no warning. No illness, No advanced notice. No mental or emotional preparation. No official goodbye.

It was like any other late summer evening. We were outside enjoying the nice weather. Tanner was following me around the yard, being his energetic, goofy retriever self. Grabbing at sticks, galloping through the yard and vying for attention between Peanut, Twix, Peyton and Dixie.

About 10:30, we heard a lot of barking on the patio. Entrepreneur went to check on the commotion and found the other two dogs around Tanner who looked like he was sleeping. But he wasn’t.

It was that fast. No clues as to what happened. No opportunity to call the vet for help. No nothing. Just questions and an all-consuming, stabbing pain in our hearts. Our best guess is he had a stroke, aneurism or heart attack. I saw him, dropped to my knees and lost it. The weekend has been a blur. Of course, it was packed full of activities. None of which could really be canceled. Take a deep breath. Put up a good front. Fall apart in private.

I still look for him eagerly waiting for us when we come home.
I still expect to see him lounging on the patio when I look out the back door.
I see his empty kennel and food dish and it hits me all over again.

But there is nothing I can do.

He was only 8 years old.

It’s not fair.

I want my dog back.

Linking up with Lisa Kerner over at Simply Living Photography and  LTTL.