So this is what 30 looks like

OMG, we were young. Just twenty-two years old when we stood there, starry-eyed and full of dreams. Evidently full of pink dusty rose and white dreams. What the h*!! were we thinking? I’m issuing a formal apology to the entire bridal party.

Today marks 30 years since that wedding day. As I look back on those early years, I remember…

The first apartment we shared covertly with a collie named Bandit. I say covertly because pets were not allowed. Have you ever tried to hide a full-sized collie?

The wonderful dinners I served our first year…dinner’s ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

Learning to waterski…and keep on the swimsuit.

Learning to drive a stick shift in a Mazda RX-7. Never really got the hang of that one. It’s a miracle I didn’t kill us both.

Wondering if it would be possible to strap an infant car seat in the hatch of said Mazda RX-7. Obviously, I would never be driving and, no, we never tried it.

Being the favorite house on the block at Halloween. Entrepreneur worked for P&G and had cases of sample Crest Kits. No…seriously, the kids loved them and asked for them every year.

The time we lived in Omaha, Nebraska. We had his and hers snow shovels. And used them. It was also the fist time we experienced thundersnow, driving in a blizzard and -60 degree wind chills.

Stealing Procuring river rock from the side of the railroad tracks because we were financially strapped and landscaping was not in the budget.

Thirty years of wedded bliss.

Well not so fast, Skippy.

Happily ever after should maybe be saved strictly for fairy tales. The real work of marriage is messy, frustrating, irritating and annoying. Despite what we all think when we say our “I dos,” there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Or a perfect soulmate. However, in the middle of all the messiness, frustration, irritation and annoyance, there are perfect parts. And sometimes that’s enough.

The secret of a long marriage? I believe it begins with having many of the core values in common. If the foundation is solid, the relationship can better withstand hurricane-force winds. It also is essential to be a giver. If one spouse gives 70% of the time and takes 30% of the time, it’s smooth sailing! Of course, the other spouse has to give 70% of the time and take 30% of the time as well for it to work. That’s a bit trickier, and the part people have the most trouble with.

Finally, marriage isn’t all about the mushy feelings during the”honeymoon period.” Emotions change. People change. Entrepreneur and I aren’t anything like we were 30 years ago. Sometimes that’s good, sometimes not so much. Marriage isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision. A decision to love “in spite of” as well as “because of.”

So, whether we have another 30 or only 3 more summers, Christmases, anniversaries or birthdays together, I will try my best to remember that in this world, life is short…and I need to make the most of it now.

That, and lots of wine.

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75 thoughts on “So this is what 30 looks like

  1. There are many things wine can make better.

    Living with someone is many things, as you so ably and poetically stated. Easy is not one of them. We enjoy what we can, overlook what we can, live with what we can, adapt, adapt, adapt.

    Have another glass of wine!

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  2. Congratulations!!! And thankyou, as usual, for all your ‘wise’ words – that doesn’t sound the way I want it to sound (wise sounds old and that is so NOT what I want it to sound like) but I’hope you know what I mean – your posts always seem to hit the spot – I have been thinking recently of how I sort of miss that honeymoon period (while still appreciating how far we have come) – and reading this post was just what I needed – THANKYOU and congratulations again – and I love the photos!!!!

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  3. First of all, Congratulations! You are an inspiration for my husband and I who are going on two years married!

    I also have a totally unrelated question if you don’t mind, I have this theme and I can’t figure out how to add more than one tab (like your who am I and my portfolio tabs) can you please tell me how you did it? Thanks so much!

    Here’s to another 30!

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  4. what a very great article.
    congratulations for 30 years and many more to come.
    Thanks for showing what love truly is !

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  5. another three or another thirty! love that in letting go of what might happen you are here for what is. congratulations and thank you for the sweet and realistic post. p.s. my mom still buys dusty rose…and still calls it “dusty rose”…i had to laugh.

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  6. Love this! I believe what it takes to make is different for every couple. Just as every couple is made up of two very different individuals. The key is finding the one you are willing work (as you said) with.
    My BF and I think we have found that, but you are right, you never know. You have to make the most of what you get.

    Hope you guys get another 30 HAPPY years!

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  7. Funny, realistic, well written. Great post! It’s always nice hearing about marriages that work, and it’s fantastic you’re together after 30 good and not so good years. Hope you have more beautiful years together. Btw, you both look too young to have been married 30 years already πŸ™‚ Congratulations!

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  8. what a great post! I love how you said marriage is a decision – so many people don’t realise that. Congratulations, and wishing you many more years and much more wine πŸ™‚

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  9. Yay! Congratulations on such an accomplishment:) and your anniversary!

    I think what you said about marriage not being a feeling, but a decision is exactly right.

    I am not married, nor am I even close, but I have always watched and annoyed the couples I have known (who are making it) into telling me what they do, and “deciding” seems to be the best way to describe it.

    I come from a broken home which has certainly made me very weary of making that commitment, but the truth is that I look forward to it when I find the right person.

    Thanks for your post and for making me smile! I love hearing that marriage can work:)

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  10. Congratulations, most certainly. My first lasted 20 years, my second now 30.
    Alas, that Spring should vanish with the Rose!
    That Youth’s sweet-scented Manuscript
    should close!
    The Nightingale that in the Branches sang,
    Ah, whence, and whither, flown again,
    who knows ! (From the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam ).

    Like

  11. If we could only go back and do a few things differently, huh? I say that, but I’d still want to end up right where I am right now. Love your blog…thanks for all the human insight.

    Take a peek at mine…I write about the humor in a family of 6 and everyday life.

    Thanks!

    http://zohrbak.wordpress.com

    Like

  12. Congratulations on both 30 years of marriage and looking as beautiful in your “after” shot as you did in your bridal pictures. And thank you for your wise words of wisdom. I, too, have been married for over 30 years, but it took me four husbands to mark that milestone! Having finally found a “keeper” I couldn’t agree with your wisdom more. All the best for another 30 [happy] years.

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  13. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed and on 30 years! How right you are that marriage is something to work at! I am so happy to hear that another happy couple is out there ! My husband and I have been married going on 22 years and we couldn’t be happier, but in this era of divorce at almost 50% it is so refreshing to hear of a happily married couple working on 30+ years! You go Girl! Many more happy years!

    evelyngarone.com

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  14. Wow… Congratulations. My husband and I just got married a month ago after 8 years together. I am the same with believing you MUST be a giver and you MUST have the same core values. These are true to making it through the hard times. I have to say, so far marriage is incredible. I didn’t think it would change anything, but actually it did.

    Again…congrats on the 30 years! And live every day to the fullest!

    ❀ GG

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  15. I wish more of the current generation really “got” marriage the way you describe it. My parents have the same foundation and have been happily married for 37 years. I believe DW and I have made a decision about our future together, as well as the future of our children. It’s important for good role models to continue to speak up! Thanks so much.

    – Emily

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  16. What a lovely post! I’m getting married in October and I’m looking forward to marriage but I’m afraid of all the hard times too. I’m glad to see that you’ve made it so long and that it’s worth all the work!

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  17. What a lovely post! I rather like your pink and white theme – it’s pretty!

    I agree with you on the road to a successful and long lasting marriage. We’ll be celebrating 34 years in October, and yes, we’ve both changed, and adjusted, but yes, our core values were solid from the start.

    I think the thing about give and take is right too. There are times when one gives more than the other, and that’s fine, as long as you switch round when necessary!

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  18. Happy Anniversary! And thanks for sharing your wisdom; it’s refreshingly honest and encouraging. Hope you enjoy many, many more years together!

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  19. Here via the WordPress home page. Congratulations! I’ll be married 5 years this October, and I love being married!

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  20. Nice post, and happy anniversary. I just TURNED 30 and am nearly 2 years into my own marriage. Many of the things you’ve listed as key to a long marriage are the things we’ve staked our relationship on, so that’s encouraging. And don’t feel too bad about the “dusty rose” dresses. My parents, in 1976, had everyone wear sunshine yellow–tuxes and dresses–and the guys all wore baby blue ruffled shirts, too. I think my dad wore white. What is it with white tuxes and the 70’s/early 80’s?

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  21. Great post. Wow, E’neur looked like a teenager when you got married! We celebrated 31 this summer. Your advice is right on. This is where the ‘rubber meets the road’ — the kids are gone and we have to work on falling in love all over again!

    Congrats on making ‘Freshly Pressed’

    http://megidio.wordpress.com

    Like

  22. When I saw Thundersnow, I knew exactly what you meant!! I live in Minnesota, but am originally from the South. Scary stuff!!

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  23. Happy Anniversary! And thanks for sharing your wisdom; it’s refreshingly honest and encouraging. Hope you enjoy many, many more years together!

    Hope one time you’ll visit Indonesia bali islan was beautyfull for your next aniv…..

    Like

  24. I love this post, and it’s so very true. Once you take the plunge and do the vows you have to go through so many things as a team and still be strong because of it. This is so true and I loved coming across it, thank you for sharing!

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  25. Happy anniversary πŸ™‚ I also think that sharing core values are so essential to having a strong foundation. And also, intention – to have gotten married for the right reasons.

    Anyway, may the rest of your lives together be amazing and filled with good things πŸ™‚

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  26. Happy anniversary! Quite an achievement these days, to make it to 30 years – I’m really proud of people like you. Good words of advice, too… I hope a few young whippersnappers in my generation see them and take them to heart.

    PS, is your husband’s name really entrepreneur? cause that would be fairly hilarious.

    Like

  27. Good to see and hear another great marriage. Congratulations indeed. When people get wed, they put so much in for that day; yet the real thing is the work that goes into the marriage part of the deal… wish you 30 and more blessed years ahead!

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  28. Wow! Congratulations on your 30th. You looked like Rapunzel with your golden hair!!! πŸ˜‰

    Too cute!!!

    Wish you many more blissful wedded years ahead!!!

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  29. Completely agree with you. Loved this part:

    quote –

    Marriage isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision. A decision to love β€œin spite of” (…)

    – end quote

    Divorce often happens because people rely too much on that feeling and disregard the decisions they’ve made and make everyday. People don’t want to be responsible for their actions… they just want is all.

    Like

  30. Pingback: Peripheral Perceptions: So This is What 30 Looks Like « Jersey Bride

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